As young girls we are often told “be a good girl”. And while that is good and all when we are talking about eating your peas and carrots or not ruining your reputation in high school, it is a recording we hear in our mind throughout our life that sometimes hurts us in the business world.

Here are some ideas on how to still be a Good Girl and Finish First!

#1 REDEFINE your “Good Girl”

We must redefine “Good Girl” in our minds. I grew up as a Type A “Good Girl” who believed that doing my best was the LEAST I should do. You want me to play sports? Okay how many? And how many starting positions can I get? This project is due on Monday? How about I turn it in on Friday to exceed your expectations? You want me to work 20 hours for an internship? Would you be okay if I worked 40? Instead of asking others what they want, we need to ask for what WE WANT and then GO FOR IT!

#2 Unmasking the SUCCESS Myth

If there’s one thing that women deserve and demand, its honesty. We’ve had too many years of buying into the success myths. We have perpetuated them ourselves. We keep up the secret handshake that says “It’s inappropriate to get this far and then say, ‘enough’”. But IT IS TIME for an alternative story to be told.  Define your OWN SUCCESS. Have you ever gotten to a goal and it wasn’t as “great” as you had hoped it’d be? Maybe it was the wrong goal. What does your finish line look like? What does your first place finish represent? DEFINE your own SUCCESS!

#3 Deliver your plan with CLARITY

You must communicate clearly and effectively to be successful. “Are we there yet?” How do we know if we have arrived, if we have not clearly outlined where “there” is. One of the issues we have in business environments (personal ones too but that is a different blog) is the way in which women and men differ in their communication style. Unfortunately, the detailed reporting style of women is often seen as “babbling”.  Write it down! The day before a big meeting when you need to communicate with clarity…WRITE it DOWN. Plan out what you are going to say. Say it to yourself while looking in a mirror. Ask your neighbor, who knows nothing about your business, to listen to you and see if they understand what you are saying. If they get it, most likely your audience will to. KEEP it CLEAR and CONSISE.

#4  Know the Rules – BEFORE YOU START THE GAME.

I have thought about this one for so many years. Would we EVER go play a round of golf and not know the rules? I remember getting a new board game for Christmas as a child. Everyone sits there with anticipation as the parents read the rules explaining how to play. Interesting thing is, we always read the rules BEFORE we started playing. If you think there are not “rules” in the business world, I want to come live in that fantasy world with you! Every company has them, no matter what size. In one organization I worked, women were expected to dress like the men. It took me years to realize that this was an unwritten, but never the less an expected “RULE”.  Men even had a uniform for success. Sometimes, this is known as the culture of an organization. Learn the culture of your organization… those are the unwritten RULES.

#5 Remember IT IS JUST A GAME

If you follow step #1 and define your own success then you are doing better than I did in the beginning and you will not have the same problem I faced earlier in my career. As my wisdom increases I have learned that IT IS INDEED just a GAME.  I am not saying it is not an important game, our families depend on us for their livelihood, we would like to have our kids attend college, maybe a vacation or two every year and the ultimate dream of retirement. But if you think about business as a game, it really is. We have a game plan to execute, we go out and work really hard to get others to buy our goods or services, and we have a goal in mind. Sometimes I win and sometimes I lose. And just because I won today, does not guarantee I will win tomorrow. I have to keep playing the game. Welcome to the business world.

#6 Build Allies

Finally, one category I believe women have the upper hand from the outset. We are natural connectors. Take the time to strategically think about your ideas, put together your plan, do your homework and then find your allies. I don’t think anyone can dispute the fact that there is power in numbers. After you have the support of your “team” then you can take your plan and present it to the appropriate person for the corporate buy in. If you are going into a meeting to present an internal proposal and you do not know for a fact that you have supporters in the audience… RESCHEDULE the MEETING until you do! That’s the way you play the game!

#7 Be A Leader

You don’t have to have a title to be a leader.  Leadership is not about being a bully. It is not about being the loudest “clown” at happy hour. It is all about CHARACTER coupled with a clear focus…what is best for our organization, and how do I get my team to support our mission! Leaders have inner strength and direction for both themselves and their team. Character Leaders value their people and instill hope in their organizations. True leaders provide selfless service to the organization and her people.  If you have character AND authority – watch out world!

#8 Don’t Let it Define Who You ARE

Another lesson I have learned from my mistakes. Over the years, I allowed my career successes and failures to define who I am. I managed my life around my job and now I aspire to manage my job around my life.

#9 LISTEN

Listen with both ears AND YOUR HEART! We have been told for years as women to separate our heads and our hearts. I would argue that it is simply NOT possible. The Secretary of Defense during the Vietnam War was Robert McNamara and years later on his death bed he said one of his regrets was making his decisions all based on his head and not his heart. I believe this is a unique advantage that women have over men. We are natural listeners and we make decisions based on both our head and our heart.   The beautiful thing about having women as your customer or in your organization is that they will tell you what you need to do to succeed. You just have to ask them the right questions and listen with both ears an open mind and heart.

#10 ACT on IT

How many times have you been in a meeting and someone said what you were thinking? You would be amazed how many people see their ideas realized by others because they simply did not ACT on it.  I was attending a sales meeting early in my career and I was sitting there listening to the conversation and had a suggestion in my mind. As I sat there and debated the voice in my head on whether I should speak up or not, one of my teammates suggested my idea. Our CEO was impressed with his input and asked him to stop by his office later for a conversation. WHY DIDN’T I ACT? Now, if you have a suggestion and you speak up – WHATEVER you do — you must follow through to completion. All creditability will be lost if you don’t execute with resolve.

#11 Be a Mentor

Don’t ever be afraid to find someone and teach them by example. As a leader you will go to the highest level only if you can begin to develop leaders instead of followers.  The role of the mentor is vital to the success of an organization. It develops an atmosphere of inclusiveness and personally it is very satisfying to see your “people” become successful.  Can you imagine early in your career if you would have had someone that took you by the hand and really guided you through the shark infested waters? Be someone’s guide!

#12 Share the Decision Making

Every decision provides a learning opportunity. I would rather have someone on the team that makes a wrong decision than someone that won’t make a decision at all. When you allow for input in the decision making process you are creating buy in from your people. Effective participation requires people to release control and allow for a collaborative, inclusive environment. Sharing in the decision making process allows others on the team to take responsibility.

#13 Empower Others

Once you know how to empower people, how to motivate and inspire them, they will want to work with you to help you achieve your goals in everything you do. Your ability to enlist the knowledge, energy and resources of others enables you to become a multiplication sign, to leverage yourself so that you accomplish far more than the average person and in a far shorter period of time. It feels GREAT when you help others see how GREAT they are.

#14 Encourage Ideas from ALL

I heard a story earlier this year about a lady that sits on a local board of directors and suggested a new policy for stay at home moms. She was the only woman on the local non-profit board. All the men on the board, thought this was a great suggestion and voted in favor of her idea. It wasn’t that the men were anti “stay at home moms” quite the opposite actually, they just never had that particular point of reference. As successful good girls we should encourage ALL employees at all levels to be involved in idea generation. You never know where the next best idea is going to come from. Keep an open mind and encourage everyone in your organization to ask “What if”.

#15 Have a SOLID strategy

When I typed #15 I could hear my dad’s voice in my head, “measure twice, cut once”, “build the plan, work the plan”. I know this sounds way too simple, but the wiser I become the simpler everything seems. What is your strategy? Define it. Why is that the strategy? Test it. How do you get there? Do it.   It really is that easy. Setting the strategy is important and should require input from a lot of people in your organization. Confirming the strategy is the “right thing” requires buy in from all stake holders in the company.  Once the first two things have been nailed, it is simply time to execute.  Never be afraid to redefine your strategy in the middle…Remember Lipton Soup started out as a cheese company.

#16 Always do the RIGHT thing

I must admit that I have NOT always done the “right thing”. And never, not even once did I feel good about it. Sometimes we tell ourselves “no one will ever know”, “nobody will get hurt”, “the company owes me this”. Whatever rationalization and lie we tell our selves, doing the wrong thing NEVER feels good because you cannot run from yourself. Even when the “right thing” is NOT in your own best interest…DO IT ANYWAY. I remember a phone conversation with my bosses boss one time and I suggested a solution that was not in my own best interest, but it was right for the company. He was blown away and to this day we have a great relationship because he knows that I will do the RIGHT thing for the company!

#17 Determination

Some people say that determination is the SINGLE most important predictor of success. At first glance it might appear to be intelligence. However, I cannot think of any successful person that had sheer brain power and no determination.  There are plenty of people as smart as Bill Gates who achieve nothing.
I have one child with a learning disorder and another child that tests off the IQ charts. However, both are on the A – B Honor Roll at school.  Intelligence v. Determination. One is a natural gift, the other is a proactive choice. Be Determined to Succeed, that is half the battle!

#18 Be Confident

In order to be confident in something you must believe it in your gut 100% beyond a shadow of a doubt. Practice leads to confidence and success builds confidence. Have you ever heard the term “she exudes confidence?” I often wonder about people that “exude” confidence. Do they really? And I wonder which came first, exuding confidence or really having it? If I had the answer for how to “BE CONFIDENT” in 5 easy steps, I would be a gazillionaire and I wouldn’t be writing this report. However, I do know this about being confident. As women especially, confidence first starts with your belief in YOU. Often times we are our own worst critics. Find 5 friends to tell you how they see you. It will be a first step in building your confidence in yourself. I did this exercise with a group of co-workers in the early 90’s and the feedback was, “Wow, I sure wish I saw myself the way others see me.” Who knows, you just might be the woman that “exudes confidence”!

#19 Don’t Quit

We “good girls” have lied to ourselves for far too long. We have been trained to think of success in one very narrow way. I encourage you to look in the mirror, define YOUR success, set your strategy and DO NOT QUIT! Rest if you must, and you will need to take time to rest… but get back up and don’t give up on yourself. Goethe said, “Difficulties increase the nearer we get to our goal.” Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you did not do than the things you actually did. Hang in there and cross that finish line!

What are the most important goals in your life? Rate the following with 1 being the most important and 10 being the least.

Getting a promotion
Making money
Having a family
Traveling
Building friendships
Community work
Finding a hobby
Fill in your own blank…………….

Now make a plan on how to achieve your goals. What is it going to take for you to make the “1’s” happen? Map it out and then just go do it!

See you at the Finish Line!